Lets Talk About Body Positivity

Today I want to talk about an issue that hits very close to home: body image. All my life, I was overweight. For me, being bigger than all the other kids was normal, and honestly, I didn’t think much of it. I didn’t really get teased much by my peers, I have to admit that I went to school with some pretty decent kids. Either that, or all the kids knew that my big sisters would kick their asses. Whenever I did get teased though, I tried my best to not let it affect me. Sure, I’d get sad, but I’d get over it because to me, those kids were just being mean because they had nothing else to do. I knew that whatever was causing them to lash out didn’t have to do with me. My mom and dad always taught me to treat others how I wanted to be treated, as most parents do teach their children. Some of them took it to heart, others didn’t. I definitely tried my best to listen to the “golden rule”, so I never treated the “mean kids” poorly.

As I got older, however, I quickly learned that being overweight wasn’t something “normal” for kids my age. By sixth grade, I think I weighed roughly 130 or 140 pounds. I’m not sure of the exact number because if I’m being honest, I’ve tried to block out most of middle school. It wasn’t a good time for me for many reasons, but I’m not going to get into those. Either way, I was a large kid. I began buying clothes two or three sizes too big so others couldn’t tell how big I actually was. In my mind, I thought that was a great idea. I look at some of those old tee shirts that I can’t bring myself to throw out and am always surprised by how huge they are. I’m talking a men’s XXL on a 13 year old’s body.

Most people don’t know this, but I’ve struggled with an eating disorder. The summer before my freshman year, I stopped eating. Of course, I didn’t realize it at first. I told myself that I just wasn’t hungry, and eventually I began believing it. I was eating as little as 300 calories each day, and at most 800. I was extremely malnourished which led to me being excessively crabby and fatigued. Those close to me began to notice and really worried about me, but I insisted that I was okay. It got to the point that my health teacher (I was in summer school) pulled me aside and asked what was going on and if he should call my mom. Again, I insisted that I was fine, I just wasn’t hungry, but I would work on it. Needless to say, I didn’t work on it. It wasn’t until my best friend made a comment around 4^th of July that I actually realized something was wrong. I had bought myself nachos during the fireworks at the beach, but only ate two or three chips then claimed I didn’t want them anymore and offered them to her and our other friend. They looked at me weirdly, then finally Samantha came right out and said: “Katie, you need to eat. You’re becoming anorexic.” I didn’t want to believe her, but after thinking, I started to agree with her. I was terrified of what I was becoming and what I was capable of. I tried my best to eat more, but for a while I still couldn’t do it. It took a long time for me to begin eating right again, although sometimes I don’t believe I’ve ever reached the point that I once was at. I still eat small helpings and don’t usually finish my food. I don’t think I finished my lunch one time throughout my entire high school career.

Now, four years later, I love myself. I really truly do. That doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle though. I still have anorexic tendencies, but I keep check of them and am careful to ensure that I don’t get into the bad habits I was once living by. My close friends and family keep an eye on me to make sure that I am taking care of myself.

I see so many women in the media who are insanely beautiful with amazing bodies. I see the typical plus size models with the virtually flat stomach, large breasts, and curves all down their body, and I have a hard time accepting that those women are considered plus size. Despite my envy of those women, I have grown to actually love the body that I was given. I don’t eat any differently than the rest of my family, and we all vary in size (my two sisters are both extremely small). I make a point to try and eat healthily when I can, and I am still largely overweight. And you know what? I’m okay with that.

During the last year, I’ve gained more weight than I would like to admit. I was under a lot of stress of applying for colleges, being extremely busy all the time, and struggling with my mental illness, which admittedly, had gotten much worse than it had been in a long time. Despite the fact that I have gained that weight, I am still extremely confident. I am more confident today than I have been in my entire life, even though I am 40 or 50 pounds heavier than I was three years ago. Today, I wear a two-piece swimsuit. I wear shorts and a crop top. I wear whatever the hell I want whenever I want. I don’t care what others think of it because as long as I feel good in what I’m wearing, nothing else matters.

Here I am in my favorite swim suit.

I, along with most people, spent years thinking that “fat” was a bad word, but I’ve grown to realize that it isn’t at all. It’s simply an adjective. Saying that I’m fat is the equivalent of saying that I’m short. I weigh 190 pounds and I’m 5’4. There’s absolutely no denying that I’m fat or that I’m short.

This is my full body. All 190 pounds of me. And yes, it's fat, but it's human. Only a few people have actually seen my entire body, but I'm sick of hiding something as harmless as this.

While I want to tone my stomach and thighs, I am still happy with who I am.

People tell me that they’re jealous of my confidence, that they could never wear what I wear. What do I say to them? I tell them that they can have the confidence that I have by simply accepting who they are and what they look like. I tell them that if they want to wear what I wear, put it on. I ask them who cares what they’re wearing and they always struggle to find an answer. I understand being self-conscious, but I also understand putting yourself out there and learning to love every single inch of yourself, however many there may be.

While I am beginning to exercise, it isn’t because I want to lose weight at all, it’s because I want to be healthier. It is possible to be fat and healthy, and that is something that so many people can’t understand.

I am a firm believer that everybody and every body (get it… it’s a play on words) is beautiful. I hope that in the near future, more and more people can start thinking that way. The world will be a much better place when people finally begin accepting others, but most importantly, accepting themselves.

Until next time,

Katie